Chels’ story
Welcome to TUL’s guest blog series, featured every Friday. These articles serve as a platform for guests to share their personal journeys, revealing how they embrace an unwasted life. Read on to discover Chelsea Wouts’ journey to alcohol-freedom.
The first time I got drunk I was 16 years old. Once the tipsy feeling hit, I loved how my worries slipped away and an air of confidence washed over me.
As a naturally anxious person, it felt like a magic potion. Drinking alcohol is so normalized that it took me years to realize that my magic potion was actually, quite literally, poison.
Throughout my late teens and early 20s, my drinking progressed. It was slow at first, and then I felt like I lost control quickly. I started to rely on it anytime I was feeling anxious, sad, lonely, or really anything uncomfortable. I worked in restaurants where I had to be sociable and “on” all the time, so I drank before and during my shifts. In group settings when meeting new people, I drank. Before family events and close gatherings with friends, I drank. Instead of working through past trauma and dealing with problems head-on, I drank. By this point, I felt empty and not myself without alcohol. It was a clutch and a destructive coping mechanism, a way to escape my feelings. But in the process, I was destroying my relationships, my finances, and my health.
“Drinking alcohol is so normalized that it took me years to realize that my magic potion was actually, quite literally, poison.”
I questioned my relationship with alcohol for a long time before I decided to quit. There were many mornings of hangxiety, drunken fights with ex-boyfriends, and texts to friends asking “did I do anything embarrassing last night? Do I need to apologize to anyone?” before I decided it wasn’t worth it.
I’d black out often. During the year before I decided to quit, I would black out almost every time I drank. Throughout my last couple of drinking years, my mind was consumed with where I would get my next drink. I was on a trip to New Zealand in 2019 with my best friend Emily when I decided to quit. I woke up after another night of binge drinking and felt hopeless. I had blacked out and lost my keys for the new place we were renting. I remember looking at my bedside table and seeing a can of cider, some snacks, and my dried-up contacts from the night before. That image is still vivid in my mind. I was disgusted with myself. I went to sit on Emily’s bed and said, “I think I need to quit drinking”. This was not the first time that I had this thought or said it out loud, but this is the time that I had a friend support me in it and encourage me along the way. She had tough conversations with me when I felt myself slipping back.
I had so much shame around not being able to control my drinking and the mess that I had created in my life, but I also knew that the destruction that alcohol was causing was not worth it.
I read tons of quit-lit, my favourite being This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. This book changed how I looked at alcohol. Alcohol is a drug, even though it’s not always treated as one. It’s not a moral failure that I became addicted; alcohol is an addictive substance that I was consuming regularly. It was my coping mechanism.
“What I’ve gained in sobriety is so much more valuable than anything I’ve lost in giving up alcohol.”
The morning that I decided to quit alcohol, I was so scared that I would be losing an integral part of myself and that I wouldn’t be able to have fun anymore. I had a deep fear of losing something. I was grieving my life with alcohol and my party-girl lifestyle.
Now I’m coming up to my fifth year sober and feel so lucky not to be trapped in a drinking cycle anymore. What I’ve gained in sobriety is so much more valuable than anything I’ve lost in giving up alcohol. I don’t have to wake up hungover and experience debilitating hangxiety ever again.
I feel more connected to my true self than ever. My relationships are stronger, I’m mentally and physically healthier, I have more time and money, and I finally have the ability to deal with things head-on instead of escaping in a bottle.
I’m finally free.
IG: @chelseawouts
Chelsea, your insights and reflections are truly inspiring. Your journey and reflections on self-exploration and sobriety offer solace and strength to others on similar paths. Thank you for sharing your story and wisdom with us.
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