Secrets of a Grey Area Drinker
Welcome to TUL’s guest blog series, featured every Friday. These articles serve as a platform for guests to share their personal journeys, revealing how they embrace an unwasted life. Dive in and discover Christen’s heartfelt story about her journey to alcohol-freedom.
I don’t recall what she looked like exactly, but I remember thinking she was cute and probably in her late 20s or early 30s.
She was standing with a guy who could’ve been her husband or boyfriend when she put her hand on my arm to catch my attention. She was smiling when she said, “I wish I was having as much fun as you are!” I laughed and said thank you (I mean what else do you say?). “You look like you’re having such a great time.” She went on, “I hope I’m having as much fun when I’m your age!”
Why did it always have to end with “When I’m your age?”— is 53 so old? Do I look like a crazy grandma on the dance floor? I really didn’t know, but I wondered every time a stranger told me this. The truth was that I really loved the bar scene. The more crowded the better! I was in my happy place clapping to the music; cheering others in the crowd; dancing on chairs, benches, or stages; fist bumping with strangers; doing shots and taking selfies; whatever ornery behavior presented itself — I fed off the energy!!!
“This is the challenge of being a grey area drinker. It feels very lonely and isolating when those closest to you don’t understand your decision to stop.”
So, when I told my friends that I was giving up drinking, they didn’t know what to think. The first question they asked was if “Fun & Crazy Chris” would still come out to play sometimes. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Was I really going to be boring and no fun? Could I still be fun without alcohol? I didn’t have an answer and honestly my feelings were hurt. I was revealing that alcohol affects me negatively enough that I’m willing to give it up completely and you’re concerned about having fun at the bar? It was an unsettling place to be.
This is the challenge of being a grey area drinker. It feels very lonely and isolating when those closest to you don’t understand your decision to stop. To them, you appeared to be happy, relaxed, friendly, social, and all things positive (normal). They don’t realize how it affected you afterwards —the hangover, the lack of sleep, the bloat, the shame, the regret, and the many secrets. Personally, I never told them about the embarrassment of losing my corporate credit card while at a casino in Las Vegas. Nor did I talk about the humiliation of throwing up in front of my boss on a street corner in Austin, Texas. They didn’t know how ashamed I felt when I left my son’s friend behind after doing too many shots at the ski lodge. Plus, they missed the many 3:00 am lectures inside my head when I let myself down over and over again. The misery was mine alone.
Grey area drinking describes the middle area on the alcohol use disorder (AUD) spectrum which ranges from take-it-or-leave-it drinking to destructive drinking.
Most grey area drinkers are functioning normally amongst us, and their drinking doesn’t look problematic. They may not be daily drinkers and can sometimes take extended breaks from it. However, grey area drinkers often carry a level of anxiety associated with their drinking. They question if alcohol is becoming a problem and worry about controlling it. They haven’t suffered any major consequences but fear something could happen. On the outside, there is nothing distinctive about a grey area drinker. All the signs and symptoms are on the inside.
While I was adjusting to living alcohol free, I struggled with cravings and rituals and all other normal temptations that happen during that period. The hardest part was knowing that I couldn’t share this with my friends or family because I knew they would see it as an opportunity. Maybe “Fun Chris” was on her way back with a little coaxing? “It’s ok to have one if you want one. Your drinking was never that bad!” Was NOT the answer I needed to hear, but I’m sure that’s what would’ve been said.
Because it doesn’t appear problematic, grey area drinking is not widely understood. It would be much easier for my friends to accept my decision if I had let my life go to shambles and hit a rock bottom situation. I believe my friends and family love me and would lift me up with unending support if I had totally lost control of my life. However, because my drinking always looked fun and happy, there really wasn’t a problem in their eyes. I was a normal drinker in my social circle. I drank just as much and as often as everyone else. My decision to quit seemed extreme and unnecessary.
If I could’ve scripted their response, I wish I would’ve heard, “Wow! You’re making a bold decision. How can I support you? I will be your friend whether you are drinking or not. I’m so very proud of you!” Fortunately, I’ve had this conversation with my friends now, but it took almost a year of sobriety to get to this point. I think they always believed my alcohol-free period would be short lived. They finally realized that I was serious and not going back.
Over the last year, I’ve become very open about my grey area drinking and how it affected me.
I’m hoping if I spread the word, then someone else may not feel so deflated and discouraged when they share their decision to quit drinking. I don’t want anyone to be trapped into thinking “maybe I wasn’t really that bad” or that “Just one drink will probably be ok.” Responses like this are what keep people stuck. No one knows what is happening inside you better than yourself. If you feel that alcohol is no longer benefiting you, I encourage you to listen.
“I have no desire to go back and I’m grateful to have stuck with my commitment to make a change. That feeling of empowerment is the greatest reward!”
Today, if I was asked if “Fun Chris” will still be coming out to play, my answer is confidently “Yes!” She may not be as crazy as she used to be, but she can still dance and clap and sing and have fun with her friends. I take less selfies with my eyes closed and haven’t lost a credit card in over a year now. However, I have a sense of joy and peace that far outweigh any fleeting buzz. I have no desire to go back and I’m grateful to have stuck with my commitment to make a change. That feeling of empowerment is the greatest reward! I’ve gone from “Fun & Crazy Chris” to “Badass Chris” now!!!
- Christen Dingess
Christen, your courage in sharing your impactful story with such openness is truly valued. Your words are certain to offer comfort and motivation to readers. Thank you!
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