Grieving.
In loving memory of two of the greatest.
Losing someone you hold close is like losing a part of yourself. It changes everything and leaves this huge gap that's hard to put into words. In September, I lost my grandfather, and in November, my uncle - both father figures to me. Their absence still feels surreal. I imagine it will hit hard at Christmas.
My Gramps, Alex (pronounced ‘Alec’), and Uncle Ryan were extraordinary men who influenced everyone around them. They were my heroes, the ones who showed me love, support, and unforgettable moments like escorting me to the Father Daughter Dance (pictured above) when I was a kid - memories that will forever be cherished.
Gramps dedicated his life to serving Canada. He was a former Royal Canadian Mounted Police and a firefighter, someone who showed immense bravery and selflessness. His commitment to the Vancouver Fire Department was unwavering, and he even became their historian. He wrote four books, including one with my uncle, leaving behind a legacy that'll be remembered for years.
Uncle Ry (aka UR), a man of extraordinary talent, encompassed not only artistic brilliance but also a heart brimming with kindness and a soul that radiated humor. As a gifted artist, musician, and writer, his creative mastery was unmatched.
Their absence weighs heavily. Ryan battled multiple myeloma for eight years, showing remarkable courage until the end. He selflessly gave himself to research through the last chemo drug he was on. He believed that by participating in a clinical trial in Canada, he could contribute to finding a cure for multiple myeloma and help others who were battling the same disease. His unwavering spirit amidst such adversity was inspiring.
My Gramps faced a series of health challenges earning him the affectionate nickname of the 'energizer bunny' due to his remarkable resilience; he seemed to possess nine (plus) lives, always bouncing back. In the end, he made the peaceful choice to pass away with the assistance of MAiD (medical assistance in dying). It was another testament to the heroic nature of this great man. Being present with them both during their final moments was both an honor and profound experience.
The Match Pack. (Not pictured: Lauren, my sister, and Jay, my niece.)
Living an alcohol-free life has been incredibly important during this time. Alcohol, being a depressant, would exacerbate the already overwhelming emotions that come with grief. The thought of dealing with a hangover amidst it all sounds unbearable.
By choosing sobriety during this period, I've found clarity amidst the chaos. It's not about avoiding pain but rather acknowledging it, understanding it, and slowly finding a path to healing and embracing the loss and honoring the memories. Every tear, every moment of sadness, and every cherished memory stands as a testament to the profound impact my grandfather and uncle had on my life.
In honoring them, I find comfort in remembering the lessons they taught me. Their kindness, love, and wisdom are my guiding lights through this time. I miss them deeply, but I'm thankful for time and experiences shared. Their spirits live on.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and much like sobriety, everyone navigates the path in a different way. The following are some strategies have helped me move forward:
Crying. Crying. And more crying: My most therapeutic way to heal and process pain. Free the tears.
Therapy to heal, coaching to plan next steps: My therapist helps to navigate this process and my coach guides me into the future.
Movement: Let those natural endorphins kick in! Whether it's walking my dog, hitting the gym, or cycling, every step forward is progress.
Writing: Doing exactly that right now—tremendously therapeutic.
Music: I’ve been loving “Discover Weekly” on Spotify.
Time in nature: Embracing the tranquility, soaking in some zen vibes.
Escaping into a TV show or movie: It's all about distraction. Personally loving Bravoland (Below Deck, RHOBH, Summer House, VPR… IYKYK.)
Talking and laughing with loved ones: Precisely what the heart needs.
Finding ways to honor them: Keeping their memories alive.
Cuddles with a furry friend: Nothing beats the comfort of animal cuddles. Big shout-out to my dogter, Lou.
Escaping into a good book: Currently hooked on 'On The Edge of Shattered' by Kimberly Kearns.
The decision to process this grief without alcohol has been a deeply personal and meaningful one. It has allowed me to confront my sorrow while honoring the beautiful legacies of these extraordinary men who shaped my world.
This path may be challenging, but it's one that I'm treading with a commitment to honoring and remembering my grandfather and uncle in the truest and most genuine way possible. Their spirits live on in the stories, lessons, and love they left behind, guiding me through this journey of grief with grace and authenticity.
RIP.
If you find yourself grappling with the challenges of staying sober while navigating the rough waters of grief, please know that you're not alone. It's okay to feel the intensity of these emotions without seeking solace in substances. Remember, seeking help and reaching out is a courageous step. Whether it's confiding in a friend, seeking professional guidance, or connecting with support groups, there is strength in reaching out for assistance. Your emotions are valid, and embracing them without relying on alcohol is a powerful choice towards healing. You're not alone in this journey, and support is always available for those who seek it.
